saying that i'm not a grown up.
'cause wheather i have so many reasons for everything i've decided to do.
there's no different from my self-willed decisions in my childhood(lay down and cry)
saying that grown up is to do what best not what I like most.
How do we know what's best then.
I don't want to be a doctor.
well, it's not like i don't want to that much, actually it would be fun to try but to be on that path
I will have to throw away another side of my life.
not forerver but long enough to make me feel bad.
everything went as plan.
i planed of being exchange student, i did.
i planed of applying one international japanese university, i did and i got a scholarship.
everything went as plan.
it was easy.
at first i was so happy and now i feel bored of hearing people admiring my friends who places in medical school.
i might never say it but as a narcissistic person, i feel like i can do it too.
i felt stupid picking up this path, i did,
no one proud and no one admired it.
i read some psychological articals about people who can't live without praises.
i think i'm one of them.
i live with my parents' praises. and now i hear it rarely.
instead i sometimes found dissapionment.
it made me down.
like hell.
when i planed my future.
i was thinking that
i should not let others people's opinion influent my decision so much.
'cause it's a big decision of my life. like a turning point that will change my future completely.
if i pick right or wrong side i made sure not to blame anyone but myself.
and now i feel like i have picked the wrong one.
and there is only me to blame.
this is worst than i thought.
it would be better to have someone eles to blame this is suck knowing that you were wrong and stupid.
ask me again, i don't want to be a doctor, but i wanna go to medical school, i wanna be medical student, i wanna make my parents proud of me, i want praises from everyone, i want to be accepted.
it's bad to think this way.
this world have made me.
Now, if i turn around and go for med school.
Doctor is a great career, i'll get to help others people, cure them, put away there physical pain,
but at the sametime i will get accept from thai society automatically and making my parents pround which are my own self-willed desire. would that be a grown up decision?
or continue on this path i picked and try hard to make them proud, it might be long not right now.
but saying like a narcissistic person, i feel like i can make it!
please correct my English, thank you.
ps. if you worried i will be happy, lol. but believe me i'm ok.
